A Brief Introduction

Mormon Girl’s Guide to Good Coffee

I am Mormon. I drink coffee. These two things don’t go together – at least not according to the Elders. It’s kind of like being Jewish and loving cream of chicken soup or being Muslim and enjoying a good pork chop. It definitely sets you apart from your community, and not in a “hey, your cool and interesting” sort of way. You are kind of – UNTOUCHABLE! Or in Mormon parlance, un-dateable!

Mormon’s have this “dietary code” called The Word of Wisdom. Before anyone gets bent out of shape — most religious groups have a dietary code. That’s okay. It’s not unusual. It’s how they create habits that set them apart from the world (more on that later.) The Mormon Word of Wisdom states no wine or alcoholic drinks, no tobacco, and no “hot drinks.”

Here’s the kicker – “Hot Drinks” This has been interpreted by the Elders and the culture to mean “no coffee or tea.” So – coffee is bad. (woof.)

The weird thing is – somehow the Elders or the culture skipped over a few other “hot drinks” that Mormons consume in spades! Hot Chocolate (laden with sugar) is okay. Spiced Cider (also high in sugar) is okay. Steamed milk with all kinds of sugary and chemical additives is okay. Coffee, a good old-fashioned organically grown real food substance with antioxidants and properties that help stave off dementia and prevent breast cancer – is not okay. (At least it’s not okay now. It used to be! – More on that later.)

There are MANY things I liked about growing up Mormon and still do like about my little crazy group. Then there are things I want to scream at! But truth – everyone feels that way. I’m not unique. And every collective group, be it religious, social, regional, professional, etc., has elements of absolute coolness and ridiculousness.

Mormons have coffee issues. (More on that later.)